Tazmin Gray knows her name momentarily dropped out of NRLW circles as she battled away with injury.
Yet beneath the headlines on rehab reports and family Instagram posts, the 27-year-old mother-of-two was facing a far more difficult challenge of identity and purpose, which almost lead to her hanging up the boots all together.
But after leading Queensland in the recent women's Origin win over the Blues, Gray is positive her player-of-the-series performance is just a taste of what's to come in 2023.
“Being a footy player, it's easy to show up and come and play a game that you love,” Gray told jetwinvip.com as she celebrated in front of a record Townsville crowd.
"But at the same time when things aren't going right at home, you kind of lose yourself mentally in the game, you're there, but you're not really there.”
Don't run at Gray
“And that was a lot of my year last year. So I wanted to make sure that coming into this year I made it about myself – about me growing me as a player.
“I've always looked to play for my kids and play for my family but I wanted to do something a little bit different and play for myself.
"That was why I wanted to play footy again.”
Tazmin Gray: ‘I’m just super grateful to be a Queenslander’
One of several stars of the women’s game to have taken time off for family reasons, the Tweed Heads product has played just 15 NRLW games since 2018, with form and injuries limiting her contributions in recent years.
Having fought her way back into contention for selection, Gray admitted she struggled under the pressures of balancing life as a mother and footballer.
“I don't think I did juggle it all. I always felt like I owed it to my kids to be the best player but I think I sold myself short and I definitely sold them short by putting that much pressure on myself,” she said.
As much as I loved the game, I wasn’t happy when I was playing footy. I was just playing footy to make them proud.
Maroons star Tazmin Gray
“And I think when you flip the script and you look at yourself in the mirror and you're not actually proud of the person that you are, it sits you back on your heels a little bit.
"I think that's what it did to me.
“I'm just super grateful that I had those learning lessons because I feel like a far better person.
I feel like a far better mother. I feel like a far better friend. But most importantly, I just feel like I'm myself again.
Tazmin Gray on her current form
"I'm happy being me and in my shoes and I think that’s helping me play better footy and play my footy.”
Standing on the stage of Townsville’s Queensland Country Bank Stadium with player of the match and player of the series medals hanging from her neck, a smiling Gray is confident she has found her feet in 2023.
Maroons coach Tahnee Norris said seeing Gray return to Origin with a new freedom and flair brought a proud and special feeling.
“Tazzy is a special one for me, I’ve coached her since she was about 17 years old and she’s had a lot of changes off the field in her own life and her own circumstances,” Norris said after the game. “For her to come out and play the way she’s played, is like a proud mum moment for me.
“She’s had some hard times in the last 12 months and to see her turn her life around and win the player of the match and player of the series makes me very proud.”
Terrific Tazmin hard to stop
Gray's next stop on her rugby league rollercoaster will be Brisbane, where she returns to her former club after they offered her a lifeline for the NRLW in 2023.
“To be honest I wasn't really looking to move from the Gold Coast but an opportunity came up with the Broncos so I had to take it,” Gray said.
“It was also something that pushed me in a direction where I wanted my footy to go. They’ve pushed me out of my comfort zone. They've got me to a place where I’m playing uncomfortable and that's the type of footy that I want to play.
“I've always put myself in a box and tried to do everything for everybody else, but I just want to focus on myself and focus on what I'm good at and just play free footy.
"I guess for me it's about making sure my kids have a role model to look up to and someone that they can aspire to be like.
"I just want them know that if you put your best foot forward you can do anything you like. Mum may play footy but you can do anything that you want."
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