“One second we are sharing a laugh together and the next moment he is on the phone to his mum, and he is hysterical, in tears … yelling and saying he wanted to die. That was in the space of five seconds”.
Shaun Lane is sharing intimate details of a childhood in which he was constantly aware of his father’s battle with depression in a bid to reduce the stigma around mental illness.
The Parramatta second-rower has detailed his story in a documentary, 'Out of My Lane', to be shown on Channel 9 and the club's online channels, which he hopes will encourage discussion and awareness about mental health.
The Eels are setting new standards in mental health education and will soon have Mental Health First Aid accredited representatives across the club, including Parramatta’s district competition, NRL, NRLW and junior representative teams.
That one experience, when I was nine or 10, pretty much stayed imprinted on my mind for the rest of my life.
Shaun Lane
Lane visited Socceroos goalkeeper Mat Ryan, darts champions Michael Smith and Damon Heta, Scotland Rugby mental performance coach Aaron Walsh, Crystal Palace FC sports psychologist Sion Thomas and former England cricketer turned leadership coach Jeremy Snape.
Each gave an insight into how leading athletes cope with the pressure of performing at the highest level and Lane told jetwinvip.com he has adopted some of the methods and strategies they spoke about.
“The ‘Man in the Mirror’ thing that Aaron Walsh talks about, I found that just such a great way of measuring success that isn't determined by outcomes,” Lane said.
“I practice that now every week, just by thinking about what I did that week and can I be proud of the effort that I put in, and the position I put myself in.
“These things are all beneficial for getting your mind in the right space to be able to perform better and I think 100% that the work that I'm putting in by using these tools is at least putting me in a position to perform at my best.”
Lane will make his return against the Bulldogs in Round 1 after a wretched 2023 season, in which he suffered a broken jaw, torn hamstring and dislocated elbow.
However, the psychology graduate insists that he had been able to cope with the injuries better than he did when unable to crack first grade during a stint at the Warriors in 2016, during which he played just one NRL match.
Top ranked EDG: Shaun Lane
“That was just a growing up and maturing experience for me because I had all these different beliefs in my mind that were destructive and could have ruined my career. Luckily, I got on top of those,” Lane said.
“Last year was very unique in the way I experienced three different injuries in a row. There were just highs and lows, and one of the things we talk about is not to get too high or too low in different predicaments, no matter what is occurring.
“I had to practice that constantly last year, and I think the main way that I'm able to not go too high or not get too low through all the challenges of football is by being on top of how I see myself as a person.”
Helping the 29-year-old to put his setback into perspective is knowing the depth of his father Jeff's struggle with mental health since overhearing a phone conversation he had with Lane's grandmother two decades ago.
The Statistics
- 1 in 2 young people are impacted by suicide by the time they turn 25
- In 2022, 3,249 Australians lost their lives by suicide
- Suicide is the leading cause of death for people aged 15-24
- Male suicides make up three-quarters of all suicides
Source: ABS, September 2023
The pair were sharing a laugh over a game of cards at their dining table on Sydney's North Shore when Jeff's mood suddenly changed as he spoke to his mother.
“I don’t ever say that I had demons to fight or that I had enormous struggles, but I look at what my dad has lived through and that's a paramount amount of demons that a person can have," he said.
“The things that I've experienced are nothing compared to that.
"That one experience, when I was nine or 10, pretty much stayed imprinted on my mind for the rest of my life.
“My dad still has his ups and downs, it's been a life long struggle for him really.
"It's constantly difficult for my family and for himself especially but all we can do accept it and then be there to help him and to do whatever we can that he might need from us.
“It's kind of a difficult thing in our lives that we are constantly reminded of."
Lane said he was proud of his father for allowing him to tell his story on the documentary as he seeks to educate others about mental health and encourage people to seek help.
Shaun Lane: 'I can make a difference'
“If we can promote more dialogue and that then creates an environment where there is more willingness to open up about these things, or go to see a therapist or counsellor, that’s what we are trying to achieve," he said.
“If people who are struggling go to see a coach or reach out for help in different ways, that’s kind of the key around it.
“People always talk about reaching out for help and opening up conversations so, considering I have an education in psychology, I just thought I'd include a few different little strategies as well that could be of practical use for people who might be watching."
He also believes the opportunity to discuss mental health with other athletes, performance coaches and team psychologists can help make him a better player for the Eels.
“Your mental health is probably the No.1 thing that affects your performance," he said.
“That is of utmost importance to a rugby league player and that thought was continually echoed by the sports psychologists that I spoke to and the athletes, as well.”
Out of my Lane can be viewed on or the and will air on Channel Nine after The Footy Show on Sunday.